Trump Looks to Replicate Alligator Alcatraz by Deploying Animal Enforcement Units Across the Country

MIAMI, FL - After witnessing Ron DeSantis’ new illegal immigrant prison, surrounded by an alligator-infested moat, President Trump returned to Washington eager to replicate the success of Alligator Alcatraz by deploying animal enforcement units across the country.

According to inside sources, the administration reportedly plans to deploy:

• A battalion of pigs in Minneapolis: The residents of Little Somalia will obey the law to avoid the risk of being touched by these filthy creatures.

• An army of gorillas in New York City: Apparently, he rewatched the 1933 version of King Kong last night.

• 10,000,000 wasps in San Francisco: Those homos won’t be walking around with their peckers out if they risk getting stung on the tip.

• A brigade of macaque monkeys in Baltimore: Famous for snatching items from Indian and Japanese people, they’ll hopefully steal back thousands of stolen goods and return them to their rightful owners.

• Packs of trained wolves in Nashville: Their howls will blend right in with the screeches of roaming bachelorette parties, making them the perfect undercover disguise to keep them in line.

• A squad of Komodo dragons in Seattle: The frail, malnourished, beta residents will face the fear of being eaten whole by these desert beasts if they break the law.

As further proof of President Trump’s commitment to this tactic, he requested Speaker Johnson include an eleventh-hour amendment to the “Big, Beautiful Bill” to fund these elite enforcement units.