Robert Kraft Reminds Justin Tucker That Happy Endings Aren’t Free

BALTIMORE, MD - Legendary Ravens kicker Justin Tucker was released from the team earlier this week after being accused of inappropriate sexual behavior by as many as 16 massage therapists. 

Shortly after being dropped, Tucker reportedly got a call from Patriots Owner Robert Kraft, who tried to set the 35-year-old straight.

“Justin… what did I tell you? You’re supposed to pay them before the session starts, not after. And what’s this I hear that you tried to stick it in their faces. C’mon man, that’s too sloppy. NOT that way!”

According to one of the massage therapists, who wished to remain anonymous, Tucker consistently gave the appropriate code word, “Tugger”, when making his appointments but quickly left the massage parlor without paying the extra $500 charge. 

“Me no give tuggy tuggy for free,” one Korean accuser said. “Mr. Justin owe me lot of money. He no welcome here no more!”
At press time, Tucker was seen banging on the doors of the Cleveland Browns facilities begging for a spot on the team, since they don’t seem to care about these sorts of things.