Weirdo: This Newly Hired Analyst Went to Networking Event to Network

DENVER, CO - Newly hired marketing analyst Jay Tunstall eagerly arrived at the Western Regional Marketers Association Conference on Wednesday to do something that is seldom done at networking events: network.

As the only representative from his company, Sparkplug Media—which sent him so none of the other staff members had to go—Tunstall set an ambitious goal of collecting 100 unique business cards from fellow attendees.

What made Tunstall stand out, however, wasn’t his bright-eyed demeanor or passion for marketing, but the fact that he was the only one at the conference who wasn’t there to get drunk at the open bar, stuff his pockets with hors d’oeuvres, or cheat on their spouse.

“Why are you guys here?” he earnestly asked a group of random executives in their mid-40s near the bar. “Do you have business cards? Mine are still in the mail, but I could add you on LinkedIn. I’d love to take you out for coffee or lunch sometime in the next few weeks to figure out how we can integrate our products and services with your clients.”

“Leave us alone, kid,” one of the executives snapped back. “We’re just here to get away from our families and drink on the company dime. I hear the people from Change Media really want to talk to you. They have a top-secret marketing mission only a guy like you can solve.”

As Tunstall’s face lit up with excitement, he beelined to the buffet table in an attempt to find this group of marketers who looked like they could be carrying out a top-secret mission.

“Hi, my name is Jay. Where do you work?” he repeated over and over to groups of unenthused, half-buzzed conference attendees who were all inadvertently racing each other to see who could get drunk the fastest.

After an hour of failing to find this group of mysterious mid-level managers, Tunstall came up with a brilliant way to achieve his business card collection goal by raiding the free vacation raffle bowl.