Elon Musk Heroically Runs Into SpaceX Explosion to Save Ketamine Stash

BROWNSVILLE, TX - As flames engulfed a SpaceX plant following a botched flight test, CEO Elon Musk heroically rushed into the burning launch site to save a ketamine stash hidden in one of the facility's offices.

“Noooo, not the Special K!” Musk screamed, as he replayed the scene from The Wolf of Wall Street in his head, where Jordan Belfort ordered Donnie to save his bag of Quaaludes from a sinking ship.

The life-threatening stunt comes just days after Musk posted a photo of negative drug test results to quell accusations of excessive drug use during his time in the Trump administration.

Despite his best efforts, Musk was unable to save his stash, emerging from the billowing clouds of smoke nearly 15 minutes later, covered in soot and holding an empty plastic bag.

Some SpaceX staffers suspect he may have been on ketamine prior to the explosion, which could explain how he reacted so quickly and survived the fire.

At press time, Musk reportedly told his personal assistant to ensure he always had a box of powdered sugar donuts nearby to avoid any future accusations of drug addiction.