Elon Musk’s ‘America Party’ Unveils Wild Agenda to Shake Up D.C.

Joining the ranks of brilliant political minds who never reached their true potential, like the ‘Rent Is Too Damn High’ Party Chairman Jimmy McMillan and boot-for-hat visionary Vermin Supreme, Elon Musk launched a new political party on Saturday with the goal of breaking up the two-party stranglehold in Washington, D.C.

Dubbed the ‘America Party,’ Musk plans on targeting a small handful of congressional seats across the country to disrupt critical, split-decision votes and backing candidates who don’t follow in lockstep with Republicans or Democrats, like Rep. Thomas Massie and Sen. Rand Paul.

To help spread the awareness of this sure-to-be success, The Gas Lamp compiled the top agenda items of this new party:

• Supervised Ketamine Usage Sites – A much safer alternative to heroin or fentanyl.

• Replace America’s Military with Laser Cats – Inspired by Bill Hader and Andy Samberg’s old SNL sketch, Musk sees this as a very real possibility for the world’s future.

• Appoint a Kangaroo to the Supreme Court – Just so he can chuckle and scream “Kangaroo Court!” whenever a decision doesn’t go his way.

• Send Illegal Immigrants on a One-Way Trip Through a Black Hole – Someone has to take one for the team to see what’s on the other side.

• Replace the Federal Reserve with a ‘Vibe Check’ Office – It will be equally damaging to the value of the U.S. dollar, but for different reasons.

• Recognize Call of Duty Experience for Military Training – These brave young men have already mastered the discipline, racial slurs, and addiction to White Monster necessary for a top-notch soldier.

• Host Diplomatic Meetings at Dave & Buster’s – You find out the most about a country’s strategic intentions over sliders and skeeball.

• Equip Every American with Flying Cars by 2030 – If it worked in Star Wars, it can work here.

• Replace Left-Wing, State-Sponsored Snoozefests like NPR and PBS with Borat – The whereabouts of Pamela Anderson will be much more informative and necessary than how cow farts are destroying the ozone layer.