In Response To Golden Dome, China Announces Plan to Build Golden Special #5 Defense System

BEIJING, CHINA - Just weeks after President Trump announced the Golden Dome, China responded by unveiling plans for a similar defense system – the Golden Special #5.

According to the Chinese government, efforts are already underway to build a giant take-out food box, large enough to cover China’s 3.6 million square miles from end to end.

While it will, like most take-out boxes, be made primarily of cardboard, authorities claim it will still be strong enough to prevent intercontinental ballistic missiles, drones, and colossal hunks of General Tso’s chicken from terrorizing Chinese citizens.

Along with the Golden Special #5, U.S. intelligence revealed that the Chinese military is developing other new weapons, including an acid rain composed of shiitake mushrooms, eggs, and tofu – resembling hot and sour soup – and submarines disguised as giant egg rolls.

At press time, Chinese President Xi Jinping reportedly ended his military strategy meeting early because all the talk of new military developments was making him hungry.