ICE Gives Illegal Immigrants Rare Chance To Stay In America Through Game Of Musical Chairs

LOS ANGELES, CA - As riots continue to rage, ICE agents attempted to mend their dismal reputations with the locals by offering captured illegal immigrants a rare chance at staying in America if they win a game of musical chairs.

“Ándale, you maggots,” a burly ICE chief officer yelled at a group of illegal immigrants. “Can anyone tell me why we’re here in the gymnasium of La Hoya Middle School? No Inglés? Today, ten – diez – of you will get to stay here in America for the rest of your lives. The other 90 – ninety-o – will be sent back to Mexico… or wherever the hell you came from. ¿Comprende?!”

The chief officer then instructed his squad to simulate a round of the game and pointed to two doors the immigrants would exit after the game was over: one with a big picture of the United States for the winners, and another with a picture of a bus for the losers.

Still confused, the illegal immigrants were quickly forced into a circle around the chairs and nervously played against their will as mariachi music filled the gym.

At press time, ICE reported that it was considering implementing other forms of citizenship redemption, like having illegal immigrants compete in a series of construction- and landscaping-themed games.