Man Unknowingly Shakes Hands, Holds Mug One Last Time Before Getting Fingers Blown Off by Fireworks

KANSAS CITY, MO – Local Amazon delivery driver Adam Bierly engaged in routine activities like shaking his best friend’s hand and holding a mug of coffee for the last time on Thursday, unaware that he would lose all the fingers on his right hand in a fireworks accident the next day.

As the severely inebriated 29-year-old lit bootlegged M80s at his family’s barbecue that evening, recent memories of using his hands on various occasions flashed before his eyes. 

Suddenly, an unexpected explosion threw him to the ground, shocking his senses.

When Bierly came to, he noticed blood spattered across his knee-length cargo shorts and wondered if a bird had flown into the explosion at just the wrong moment. As the pain overtook his adrenaline, he saw four fingers lying in the grass behind the pulsing, bloody stump of his hand and began to wail in agony.

As he lay in his hospital bed later that evening, he regretted all the things he wouldn’t be able to do anymore, like finger a girl, flip someone off in traffic, or masturbate.

Much to his surprise, Bierly reportedly found new hope when he learned that, due to his income and education, he could receive a groundbreaking experimental treatment to have his stump replaced with an automatic vibrating fleshlight.