Obama Pays Special Memorial Day Tribute to America’s Fallen Drones

CHICAGO, IL — Gazing mournfully at heaps of broken and damaged military drones, former President Obama paid a special tribute to the heroic machines that defended America from dangerous goat herders, children, and aid workers in the Middle East during his presidency.

“Today, we honor those who sacrificed their lives to defend our freedom,” Obama said. “Like XR-382, a Global Hawk drone that served eight bombing runs in Yemen during my term. XR-382 was one of the fastest, most effective drones in the Air Force. But during a routine bombing campaign in the small Yemeni village of Al Kubah, which harbored dozens of children who might have grown up to become future terrorists, a group of young girls threw rocks at XR-382 before it could restock its bombs, causing it to crash and perish.”

As Obama wandered through the drone graveyard, he paused at the mangled wreckage of the first drone he deployed in January 2009.

“Thank you, old pal,” he said, tearing up. “I hope you’re buzzing around in drone heaven, doing what you loved most: flattening buildings, destroying bridges, and taking out terrorists. Rest in peace, friend.”

At press time, Obama announced plans to fund a new memorial statue in Washington, D.C., depicting a fleet of military drones heroically soaring over bloodthirsty terrorists, women, and children.