“It’s Not Genocide If We Don’t Consider Them Human Beings,” South African President Claims

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Facing criticism for the violence against white farmers, South African President Cyril Ramaphosa visited the White House on Wednesday to provide answers to the Trump administration.

As President Trump displayed examples of the violence, including video evidence of black South African anti-apartheid activists openly advocating for the deaths of white citizens, Ramaphosa denied accusations that it met the criteria for genocide, claiming his administration didn’t consider the white farmers to be human beings.

“Mr. President, there is no genocide happening,” Ramaphosa snapped. “The definition of genocide is the systematic killing of a racial or ethnic group by a government. First and foremost, my administration isn’t killing these people. We may provide funding to the groups who are killing white people, but we are not physically doing the killing, so that is out of our hands. Secondly, and most importantly, these Boers are not classified as human beings in our country. Our constitution clearly states that the Boer is the descendant of a foreign invader who occupied our land, no different than a parasite. So we’re not ‘getting rid of an ethnicity,’ as you claim. What we’re doing is more akin to exterminating rodents or cockroaches.”

Meanwhile, Elon Musk, who was standing off to the side of President Trump, began foaming at the mouth and growling—which only seemed to reaffirm Ramaphosa’s point.

“Someone please restrain Elon,” President Trump asked his staff. “I think he’s short-circuiting again.”

At press time, President Trump threatened that if the violence and killing didn’t stop, he would recolonize South Africa and build “big, beautiful” Trump hotels where only the country’s white population would be allowed to enter.